Outdoors

I wrote this poem after a 48 hour retreat that was very significant for me. Sometimes those retreats can bring up feelings of lostness and loneliness. This poem particularly exemplifies the desire to have the love of God close enough to touch, taste. Life can feel like a wandering path, and so can our thoughts, my prayer is to see God in the journey and this poem reflect that longing.

look water ways in aren’t ways out

come by me and see the falls

maybe they’ll spill for you

when i’m so cool i want to cry

dangling legs over ol’ by and by

talking smart and tricks with kids

oh i am such a stick in the mud

‘till all the babes come home

and children’s children roam about

i’m no longer alone in this shelter

looking about for desperate faces

who i’ve found to be more like me

than anyone else who’s ever listened

well that’s a fine way to define the line

of who is in and who is out

the whole trails dry as dirt now

scents are scattered

and the wind has blown so

grass, leaves and sticks

      have covered it all up…

so i guess the hunt is off

guess it is

well, say hi to yer folks then

same’ere

after a long meander back to the road

the in’s and out’s of scraped knees, a rolled ankle

no bird, no beast, no flesh to eat

only me and my loaded gun

well, sure beats the hell of out spending time

                                                            by yerself

      in fluttering wings

heaven breathes on me softly

      and i do whisper back

            though i don’t know

                        the words

       fog punches holes

      through twilight’s gaze

singing over me quietly, heaven

      comes like a cloud-fire

            letting in and out the light

                                    through me

       bitter wind pulls

      hair back on my skin

shivers of my own voice cast

      shadows over starlight holes

            and i am pulling myself down

                                    through this

      enveloped in nighttime

well, the heavens shine inside

      and sink in wondering eyes

            yet no face is given heaven

                        please see me through this

      logs crackle in flame

            i breathe soot in out

                  steam wisps like a ghost i sip

love is such a face that has grown

unfamiliar over the years

oh it has come close, but it’s just as blurred

i can’t make it out

so still i go and stay

      i play the game

but love is like shadow

coming close but beyond my eyes

      a form i can’t make out

and well i see it

and oh i feel it

but can i know it

      does it see me here?